[Promotum] Punny

[Edmund A. Hintz]

Well, this is a rerun, but since I last sent it 'round on 1-11-97 I 
figure we've all forgotten it by now... Besides, it has a somewhat 
festive appeal.

;-)

-=-

A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing 
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an 
hour,the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But 
why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand 
chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." 

-=-

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut 
daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would 
always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as 
the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find 
that he was out of hazlenut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together 
a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came 
in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This 
isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry", replied the bartender, "it's 
a hickory daiquiri, doc." 

-=-

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to 
eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a 
book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly 
pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of 
the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp. 

-=-

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten 
different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. 
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

-=-

A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating 
recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a 
teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" 
The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents." 

-=-

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. 
The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you 
six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, 
"all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some 
asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise 
sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, 
fish, vegtables, everything." "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably 
the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is 
highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new 
plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient. To 
which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no 
plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

-=-

An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first 
gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made 
of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The 
chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The 
third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a 
secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus 
hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. 
Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the 
third wife had given birth to twin boys. "Correct," said the chief. "How 
did you figure it out?" The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value 
of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of 
the other two hides."



Peace,

Edmund A. Hintz              **|**     "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek,      *  |  *      But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant        *  /|\  *     I hope someday you'll join us,
<ed@hintz.org>              */ | \*      And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy                    *****      Imagine."
                     http://www.hintz.org