[Promotum] School Prayer

[Edmund A. Hintz]

Thanks to Brooke for the satire below. Reminded me of a Mike Peters 
political cartoon I've had hanging on walls for the past 7 or 8 years:

http://www.hintz.org/media/prayer.jpg

While looking for it online I found this one which is worth a giggle:

http://www.grimmy.com/images/Contro/Candidate.gif

Anyway, onto the satire:

------

Dear John,

As you know, We've been working real hard in our town to get prayer back 
in
our schools. Finally, the school board approved a plan of teacher-led
prayer with the children participating at their own option. Children not
wishing to participate were to be allowed to stand out in the hallway
during prayer time. We hoped someone would sue us so we could go all the
way to the Supreme Court and get the old devil-inspired ruling reversed.
Naturally, we were all excited by the school board action. As you know, 
our
own little Billy (not so little any more though) is now in the second
grade. Of course, Margaret and I explained to him no matter what the other
kids did, he was going to stay in the classroom and participate.

After the first day of school, I asked him "How did the prayer time go?"
"Fine."
"Did many kids go out into the hallway?"
"Two.
"Excellent. How did you like your teacher's prayer?"
"It was different, Dad. Real different from the way you pray."
"Oh? Like how?"
"She said, 'Hail Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners...'"

The next day I talked with the principal. I politely explained I wasn't
prejudiced against Catholics but I would appreciate Billy being 
transferred
to a non-Catholic teacher. The principal said it would be done right away.
At supper that evening I asked Billy to say the blessings. He slipped out
of his chair, sat cross- legged, closed his eyes, raised his hand palms up
in the air and began to hum.

You'd better believe I was at the principal's office at eight o'clock the
next morning. "Look," I said. 'I don't really know much about these
Transcendental Meditationists, but I would feel a lot more comfortable If
you could move Billy to a room where the teacher practices an older, more
established religion."

That afternoon I met Billy as soon as he walked in the door after school.
"I don't think you're going to like Mrs. Nakasone's prayer either, Dad."
"Out with it."
"She kept chanting Namu Amida Butsu..."

The following morning I was waiting for the principal in the school 
parking
lot. "Look, I don't want my son praying to the Eternal Spirit of whatever
to Buddha. I want him to have a teacher who prays in Jesus' name!"
"What about Bertha Smith?"
"Excellent," I said.

I could hardly wait to hear about Mrs. Smith's prayer. I was standing on
the front steps of the school when the final bell rang.
"Well?" I asked Billy as we walked towards the car.
"Okay."
"Okay what?"
"Mrs. Smith asked God to bless us and ended her prayer in Jesus' name, 
amen
just like you."
I breathed a sigh of relief. "Now we're getting someplace."
"She even taught us a verse of scripture about prayer," said Billy.
I beamed. "Wonderful. What was the verse?"
"Lets see..." he mused for a moment. "And behold, they began to pray; and
they did pray unto Jesus, calling him their Lord and their God."
We had reached the car.
"Fantastic," I said reaching for the door handle. Then paused. I couldn't
place the scripture. "Billy, did Mrs. Smith say what book that verse was
from?"
"Third Nephi, chapter 19, verse 18."
"Nephi what?"
"Nephi," he said. "It's in the Book of Mormon.

The school board doesn't meet for a month. I've given Billy very definite
instructions that at prayer time each day he's to go out into the hallway.
I plan to be at that board meeting. If they don't do something about this
situation, I'LL sue. I might even call the ACLU. I'LL take it all the way
to the Supreme Court if I have to. I don't need schools or anybody else
teaching my son about religion. We can take care of that ourselves at home
and at church, thank you very much.

Your brother,
James

_________

Strangely apropos today...

Whoever we are
Wherever we're from
We shoulda noticed by now
Our behavior is dumb
And if our chances
Expect to improve
It's gonna take a lot more
Than tryin' to remove
The other race
Or the other whatever
>From the face Of the planet altogether
They call it THE EARTH Which is a dumb kinda name
But they named it right 'Cause we behave the same...
*We are dumb all over*

Dumb all over, Yes we are
Dumb all over, Near 'n far
Dumb all over, Black 'n white
People, we is not wrapped tight

Nurds on the left Nurds on the right
Religous fanatics On the air every night
Sayin' the Bible Tells the story
Makes the details Sound real gory
'Bout what to do If the geeks over there
Don't believe in the book We got over here
You can't run a race Without no feet
'N pretty soon There won't be no street
For dummies to jog on Or doggies to dog on
Religous fanatics Can make it be all gone
(I mean it won't blow up 'N disappear It'll just look ugly For a thousand
years...)

You can't run a country By a book of religion
Not by a heap Or a lump or a smidgeon
Of foolish rules Of ancient date
Designed to make You all feel great
While you fold, spindle And mutilate
Those unbelievers From a neighboring state
TO ARMS! TO ARMS! Hooray! That's great
Two legs ain't bad Unless there's a crate
They ship the parts To mama in
For souvenirs: two ears *(Get Down!)*
Not his, not hers, *(but what the hey?)*
The Good Book says: *("It gotta be that way!")*
But their book says: *"REVENGE THE CRUSADES...
With whips 'n chains 'N hand grenades..."*
TWO ARMS? TWO ARMS? Have another and another
Our God says: *"There ain't no other!"*
Our God says *"It's all okay!"*
Our God says *"This is the way!"*

It says in the book: *"Burn 'n destroy...*
*'N repent, 'n redeem* *'N revenge, 'n deploy*
*'N rumble thee forth* *To the land of the unbelieving scum on the other
side* *'Cause they don't go for what's in the book* *'N that makes 'em 
BAD*
*So verily we must choppeth them up* *And stompeth them down*
*Or rent a nice French bomb* *To poof them out of existance
*While leaving their real estate just where we need it*
*To use again* *For temples in which to praise OUR GOD*
*("Cause he can really take care of business!")*
And when his humble TV servant With humble white hair And humble glasses 
And
a nice brown suit And maybe a blond wife who takes phone calls
Tells us our God says It's okay to do this stuff Then we gotta do it,
'Cause if we don't do it, We ain't gwine up to *hebbin!*
(Depending on which book you're using at the time...Can't use theirs... it
don't work ...it's all lies...Gotta use mine...)
Ain't that right? That's what they say
Every night... Every day...
Hey, we can't really be dumb If we're just following *God's Orders*
Hey, let's get serious... God knows what he's doin'
He wrote this book here An' the book says:
*He made us all to be just like Him,
" so... If we're dumb... Then God is dumb...
*(An' maybe even a little ugly on the side)

Dumb All Over
by Frank Zappa 1981


----------------- End Forwarded Message -----------------


Peace,

Edmund A. Hintz              **|**     "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek,      *  |  *      But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant        *  /|\  *     I hope someday you'll join us,
<ed@hintz.org>              */ | \*      And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy                    *****      Imagine."
                     http://www.hintz.org