From ed@hintz.org Fri May 3 15:46:03 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Fri May 3 14:46:03 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Britney Underground
Message-ID: <20020503214511.32085@127.0.0.1>
What New Yorkers did to a barrage of promotional posters for Britney
Spears' Vegas/HBO concert. Part social commentary, part lewd suggestion,
and part random vandalism. I found it amusing.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Thu May 9 18:18:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Thu May 9 17:18:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Broke the surly bonds of Earth
Message-ID: <20020510001718.7935@127.0.0.1>
First Time. Cessna 172. I did the takeoff and landing-CFI was hands off
the yoke for both-and we took it out over Berkeley to the city. Ran a
360 over the city at 2k feet, then overflew Alcatraz, shot over the
golden gate, out to sea a little bit, did some maneuvering, and then came
back over Tamalpais and the san rafael bridge back into Concord. Almost
all of that I was actually controlling it. Total airtime just over an
hour, a little over 2 hrs ground instruction.
Somewhat daunting. Reminded me a lot of when I first installed NetBSD on
my old SE/30 back at Apple. Sitting there looking at that command prompt
the first time around was a similar feeling. Certainly less instinctive
for me than riding a motorcycle was.
Things I'll need a lot more work on: comms. Was for the most part
completely lost-although at least I already have the NATO call signs down
pat from my days as a phone monkey. Taxiing. Foot controls will take some
serious getting used to, as well as the engine control. Mixture control.
Simply didn't deal with it at all. Instruments. Brain completely
overloaded by all the data.
Things I took to as a a fish to water: Rudder usage. Both on turns and
to compensate for pfactor on the prop.
Pretty happy that I did the takeoff and landing. Had all kinds of
coaching of course, but damn it all I really flew that thing. Clumsy,
yes. Hamfooted, certainly. But I did it. And I didn't even damage the
plane. Yee-haw... ;-)
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Thu May 9 19:39:03 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Thu May 9 18:39:03 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Gay-O-Meter
Message-ID: <20020510013834.6433@127.0.0.1>
Credit to Sooz for this one:
I scored 30%. Must be getting old. ;-)
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Thu May 9 20:06:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Thu May 9 19:06:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] DIY Freeway Signage
Message-ID: <20020510020527.15900@127.0.0.1>
This artist kept missing the I-5 offramp from the 110 in LA. He figured
calling CalTrans would be a waste of time, so he made and installed the
sign himself. 9months later, it was leaked to the press; CalTrans never
caught on. Cute story.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Fri May 10 14:41:03 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Fri May 10 13:41:03 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Another nice LA Charger piece
Message-ID: <20020510204050.14916@127.0.0.1>
This guy writes some sharp stuff...
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Fri May 10 14:43:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Fri May 10 13:43:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Re: Another nice LA Charger piece
In-Reply-To: <20020510204050.14916@127.0.0.1>
References: <20020510204050.14916@127.0.0.1>
Message-ID: <20020510204237.25205@127.0.0.1>
On 5/10/02, ed@hintz.org thus spake:
>This guy writes some sharp stuff...
>
>
>
Bah. This wasn't supposed to go to promotum. Sorry 'bout that.
Still ditzy from flying I guess.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Fri May 10 18:03:03 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Fri May 10 17:03:03 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Celine Dion kills iMacs
Message-ID: <20020511000228.9657@127.0.0.1>
Nice...
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Fri May 10 18:30:04 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Fri May 10 17:30:04 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Lane splitting 101
Message-ID: <20020511002920.18758@127.0.0.1>
I really liked this one. Probably because I spent 4 years in LA on a
Suzuki GS850; I had no car at all, lane splitting for me was clearly a
way of life. I have but 2 comments. In my case, I always voiced a
preference for old spark plugs rather than #4 ball bearings, though I
always preferred to run rather than fight.
But more importantly and somewhat more seriously, consider this: while
it's easy to hate the biker while you're stuck in traffic and he/she is
free as a bird, he/she is constantly trying to keep from being mowed down
by drivers sans clues. Furthermore, on that cold rainy afternoon, he/she
is freezing, wet, and miserable; the car drivers are warm, cozy, have an
optional cup of coffee, and a nice radio. There's no such thing as a free
lunch; we bikers pay for that lane splitting in one way or another.
Anyway, make sure to check out the mpeg movie, it's a good representation
of what the biker is seeing. Just needs the wind and engine noise, and
the peripheral vision.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Mon May 13 14:03:04 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Mon May 13 13:03:04 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Cogito ergo sum
Message-ID: <20020513200249.10872@127.0.0.1>
"I don't think so," said Rene Descartes. Just then, he vanished.
Credit to /usr/games/fortune...
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Wed May 15 23:54:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Wed May 15 22:54:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Classic Comedy
Message-ID: <20020516055358.971@127.0.0.1>
A routine done by Andy Griffith back in the mid-50's before he rose to
fame on the Andy Griffith show. Describes football from the point of view
of a country bumpkin who's never seen the game before. Good fun. And I
suppose reasonably plausible back in the mid-50's. Football's a fairly
recent phenomenon(at least at the professional level, I know it's been
around at the college level since about 1869).
Was reminded of it this evening when Sam was having a Big Orange Drink...
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Thu May 16 21:12:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Thu May 16 20:12:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Security through stupidity
Message-ID: <20020517031301.3104@127.0.0.1>
Just as useless as security through obscurity... Noticed this a few
months back but hadn't found any good stories on it; was reminded of it
by my upcoming appointment with those highly competent $5/hr airport
"security" staff:
Short story: 86 year old retired USMC General and winner of the
Congressional Medal of Honor for shooting down 26 japs in the battle of
Guadalcanal (also was Govenor of South Dakota and President of the NRA at
times) was delayed for about 45min in Jan. at Phoenix Sky Harbor because
security weenies thought his Medal of Honor could be used as a weapon.
Here's a few links:
http://www.arizonarepublic.com/special42/articles/0216FOSS16.html
http://www.cnn.com/2002/US/02/27/war.hero.cnna/
http://www.winstonsrock.com/foss.html
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Mon May 27 03:00:04 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Mon May 27 02:00:04 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Castle Air Museum
Message-ID: <20020527085920.20777@127.0.0.1>
We were in LA this week to visit Sam's Dad, who had a bypass a little
over a week ago. So on the drive home we stopped in Atwater (just outside
of Merced) and got a motel, got up bright and early this AM and headed
over to Castle Air Museum. On memorial day weekend they open up a lot of
the airplanes and let folks climb around in them, today they had about 20
open.
First stop of the day was the SR71. Due to the cramped cockpit they
wouldn't actually let us climb in but I was able to scope the interior.
There were several holes in the panels, no doubt where ELINT and other
classified stuff went, but for the most part it was all there. Engines
and everything are still in it, and it flew to Castle under it's own
power. A big bird, and really neat to get up next to it and ogle it.
Probably my personal favorite of the aircraft to come out of the cold war.
Another one that made a big impression was the B17. We got to clamber all
over inside it, and we took a couple of photos of Hunter and myself in
the cockpit. Observations: suprisingly small inside, even more
surprisingly small bomb bay. The bomb bay itself had about the same space
capacity as my 1978 VW Bus, maybe less. That's a lot of airplane for so
little space. Belly gunners on these things were some dedicated guys.
Getting into and out of the belly turret was an extended task, and there
was no room in the turret for a parachute. In the event of a bailout
there was seldom time for them to get out; they were issued a .45 for
optional use on themselves if the plane was going in. Yikes. Got to talk
for a while with an old geezer who flew them, lost the plane and bailed
out over Germany, spent 22 months in LuftStalag 3. Very cool to not only
tour the B17 but to also talk to somebody with those experiences.
Last on the list of highly notables was the B52. Nice piece of
engineering, that. Had 2 fellows inside giving quasi-tours, both former
crew who flew missions over Vietnam. Of particular interest was the
nuclear authorization equipment. Even if all 6 crewmembers decided to go
nutso and start WWIII they could only drop duds, the bombs were armed
with a code not known to the aircrew until Presidential authorization was
issued to drop 'em. Another interesting feature was the control apparatus
for the rotating landing gear; the B52 could land in a 45knot crosswind
coming at 90 degrees to the airstrip by crabbing into the wind and
aligning the gear with the runway. Fun cockpit in that thing.
I also climbed into an F111 and had 'em snap a photo of me in the thing,
figured my sis might like it as she did electronics work on 'em when she
was in the AF. Of note in the F111 was the go-no go electronics for
nuclear armament; spooky to see the doomsday switches (likewise in the
B52 but it's more visible in the small cockpit of the F111). Grabbed a
few shots of the HC131A, my stepdad was a career Coastie and I figured
he'd appreciate it. Will post photos sometime next week, they're getting
developed right now.
Next year I want to fly out there. Castle AFB was closed in '94 and is
now an (exceedingly large) GA strip. 11,802 feet long and 300 feet wide.
If you land on the numbers you'll have to taxi 3000 feet just to get to
the first turnout, it's gotta be fun flying in there. From the Bay Area
it'd be an easy flight and a fun daytrip.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Tue May 28 13:21:03 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Tue May 28 12:21:03 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Old Sore Head
Message-ID: <20020528192007.30545@127.0.0.1>
The highway sign outside Rudyard Montana greets visitors with the
following: "Rudyard: 596 Nice People -- One Old Sore Head". Now they're
holding an election for the official post of "old sore head". Were I
local, I think I'd be in the running... ;-)
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Tue May 28 19:14:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Tue May 28 18:14:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Philson Stratoblaster Air Guitar
Message-ID: <20020529011349.27996@127.0.0.1>
Get yours today! Rock on!
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Wed May 29 11:36:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Wed May 29 10:36:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Have a nice day
Message-ID: <20020529173557.18454@127.0.0.1>
The following is reportedly a real letter to NTL, a British broadband
provider, from a less than pleased customer. Kinda smells like urban
legend but it's funny as hell nonetheless.
Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for
your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During
this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I
had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and
stupidity of monolithic proportions.
Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either
pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these
difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some
entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking
B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:
My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my
spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your
technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57
minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more
annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful
website.... HOW? I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles
for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar
and highly adept.
The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later,
although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -
such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem
had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem
arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.
I estimate your internet servers downtime is roughly 35%... hours
between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend.
I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on
my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to
a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly
skilled bollock jugglers. I have been informed that a telephone line is
available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to
someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then
been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been
redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is
closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected
to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on
this theme.
Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a
thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of
those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I
don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my
frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music.
Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.
I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of
god-awful customer relations, that no one, anywhere, ever, could be more
disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to
their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't
anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered
to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless
shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of
distended rectum - incompetents of the highest order.
British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons
of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless
inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and
foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that
you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for
the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to
deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and
disbelief - quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused
rage.
I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats
litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both
you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not
become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the
time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did
not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture.
Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its
worthless employees.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in your miserable short life, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Fri May 3 15:46:03 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Fri May 3 14:46:03 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Britney Underground
Message-ID: <20020503214511.32085@127.0.0.1>
What New Yorkers did to a barrage of promotional posters for Britney
Spears' Vegas/HBO concert. Part social commentary, part lewd suggestion,
and part random vandalism. I found it amusing.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Thu May 9 18:18:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Thu May 9 17:18:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Broke the surly bonds of Earth
Message-ID: <20020510001718.7935@127.0.0.1>
First Time. Cessna 172. I did the takeoff and landing-CFI was hands off
the yoke for both-and we took it out over Berkeley to the city. Ran a
360 over the city at 2k feet, then overflew Alcatraz, shot over the
golden gate, out to sea a little bit, did some maneuvering, and then came
back over Tamalpais and the san rafael bridge back into Concord. Almost
all of that I was actually controlling it. Total airtime just over an
hour, a little over 2 hrs ground instruction.
Somewhat daunting. Reminded me a lot of when I first installed NetBSD on
my old SE/30 back at Apple. Sitting there looking at that command prompt
the first time around was a similar feeling. Certainly less instinctive
for me than riding a motorcycle was.
Things I'll need a lot more work on: comms. Was for the most part
completely lost-although at least I already have the NATO call signs down
pat from my days as a phone monkey. Taxiing. Foot controls will take some
serious getting used to, as well as the engine control. Mixture control.
Simply didn't deal with it at all. Instruments. Brain completely
overloaded by all the data.
Things I took to as a a fish to water: Rudder usage. Both on turns and
to compensate for pfactor on the prop.
Pretty happy that I did the takeoff and landing. Had all kinds of
coaching of course, but damn it all I really flew that thing. Clumsy,
yes. Hamfooted, certainly. But I did it. And I didn't even damage the
plane. Yee-haw... ;-)
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Thu May 9 19:39:03 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Thu May 9 18:39:03 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Gay-O-Meter
Message-ID: <20020510013834.6433@127.0.0.1>
Credit to Sooz for this one:
I scored 30%. Must be getting old. ;-)
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Thu May 9 20:06:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Thu May 9 19:06:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] DIY Freeway Signage
Message-ID: <20020510020527.15900@127.0.0.1>
This artist kept missing the I-5 offramp from the 110 in LA. He figured
calling CalTrans would be a waste of time, so he made and installed the
sign himself. 9months later, it was leaked to the press; CalTrans never
caught on. Cute story.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Fri May 10 14:41:03 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Fri May 10 13:41:03 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Another nice LA Charger piece
Message-ID: <20020510204050.14916@127.0.0.1>
This guy writes some sharp stuff...
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Fri May 10 14:43:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Fri May 10 13:43:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Re: Another nice LA Charger piece
In-Reply-To: <20020510204050.14916@127.0.0.1>
References: <20020510204050.14916@127.0.0.1>
Message-ID: <20020510204237.25205@127.0.0.1>
On 5/10/02, ed@hintz.org thus spake:
>This guy writes some sharp stuff...
>
>
>
Bah. This wasn't supposed to go to promotum. Sorry 'bout that.
Still ditzy from flying I guess.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Fri May 10 18:03:03 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Fri May 10 17:03:03 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Celine Dion kills iMacs
Message-ID: <20020511000228.9657@127.0.0.1>
Nice...
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Fri May 10 18:30:04 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Fri May 10 17:30:04 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Lane splitting 101
Message-ID: <20020511002920.18758@127.0.0.1>
I really liked this one. Probably because I spent 4 years in LA on a
Suzuki GS850; I had no car at all, lane splitting for me was clearly a
way of life. I have but 2 comments. In my case, I always voiced a
preference for old spark plugs rather than #4 ball bearings, though I
always preferred to run rather than fight.
But more importantly and somewhat more seriously, consider this: while
it's easy to hate the biker while you're stuck in traffic and he/she is
free as a bird, he/she is constantly trying to keep from being mowed down
by drivers sans clues. Furthermore, on that cold rainy afternoon, he/she
is freezing, wet, and miserable; the car drivers are warm, cozy, have an
optional cup of coffee, and a nice radio. There's no such thing as a free
lunch; we bikers pay for that lane splitting in one way or another.
Anyway, make sure to check out the mpeg movie, it's a good representation
of what the biker is seeing. Just needs the wind and engine noise, and
the peripheral vision.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Mon May 13 14:03:04 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Mon May 13 13:03:04 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Cogito ergo sum
Message-ID: <20020513200249.10872@127.0.0.1>
"I don't think so," said Rene Descartes. Just then, he vanished.
Credit to /usr/games/fortune...
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Wed May 15 23:54:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Wed May 15 22:54:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Classic Comedy
Message-ID: <20020516055358.971@127.0.0.1>
A routine done by Andy Griffith back in the mid-50's before he rose to
fame on the Andy Griffith show. Describes football from the point of view
of a country bumpkin who's never seen the game before. Good fun. And I
suppose reasonably plausible back in the mid-50's. Football's a fairly
recent phenomenon(at least at the professional level, I know it's been
around at the college level since about 1869).
Was reminded of it this evening when Sam was having a Big Orange Drink...
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Thu May 16 21:12:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Thu May 16 20:12:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Security through stupidity
Message-ID: <20020517031301.3104@127.0.0.1>
Just as useless as security through obscurity... Noticed this a few
months back but hadn't found any good stories on it; was reminded of it
by my upcoming appointment with those highly competent $5/hr airport
"security" staff:
Short story: 86 year old retired USMC General and winner of the
Congressional Medal of Honor for shooting down 26 japs in the battle of
Guadalcanal (also was Govenor of South Dakota and President of the NRA at
times) was delayed for about 45min in Jan. at Phoenix Sky Harbor because
security weenies thought his Medal of Honor could be used as a weapon.
Here's a few links:
http://www.arizonarepublic.com/special42/articles/0216FOSS16.html
http://www.cnn.com/2002/US/02/27/war.hero.cnna/
http://www.winstonsrock.com/foss.html
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Mon May 27 03:00:04 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Mon May 27 02:00:04 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Castle Air Museum
Message-ID: <20020527085920.20777@127.0.0.1>
We were in LA this week to visit Sam's Dad, who had a bypass a little
over a week ago. So on the drive home we stopped in Atwater (just outside
of Merced) and got a motel, got up bright and early this AM and headed
over to Castle Air Museum. On memorial day weekend they open up a lot of
the airplanes and let folks climb around in them, today they had about 20
open.
First stop of the day was the SR71. Due to the cramped cockpit they
wouldn't actually let us climb in but I was able to scope the interior.
There were several holes in the panels, no doubt where ELINT and other
classified stuff went, but for the most part it was all there. Engines
and everything are still in it, and it flew to Castle under it's own
power. A big bird, and really neat to get up next to it and ogle it.
Probably my personal favorite of the aircraft to come out of the cold war.
Another one that made a big impression was the B17. We got to clamber all
over inside it, and we took a couple of photos of Hunter and myself in
the cockpit. Observations: suprisingly small inside, even more
surprisingly small bomb bay. The bomb bay itself had about the same space
capacity as my 1978 VW Bus, maybe less. That's a lot of airplane for so
little space. Belly gunners on these things were some dedicated guys.
Getting into and out of the belly turret was an extended task, and there
was no room in the turret for a parachute. In the event of a bailout
there was seldom time for them to get out; they were issued a .45 for
optional use on themselves if the plane was going in. Yikes. Got to talk
for a while with an old geezer who flew them, lost the plane and bailed
out over Germany, spent 22 months in LuftStalag 3. Very cool to not only
tour the B17 but to also talk to somebody with those experiences.
Last on the list of highly notables was the B52. Nice piece of
engineering, that. Had 2 fellows inside giving quasi-tours, both former
crew who flew missions over Vietnam. Of particular interest was the
nuclear authorization equipment. Even if all 6 crewmembers decided to go
nutso and start WWIII they could only drop duds, the bombs were armed
with a code not known to the aircrew until Presidential authorization was
issued to drop 'em. Another interesting feature was the control apparatus
for the rotating landing gear; the B52 could land in a 45knot crosswind
coming at 90 degrees to the airstrip by crabbing into the wind and
aligning the gear with the runway. Fun cockpit in that thing.
I also climbed into an F111 and had 'em snap a photo of me in the thing,
figured my sis might like it as she did electronics work on 'em when she
was in the AF. Of note in the F111 was the go-no go electronics for
nuclear armament; spooky to see the doomsday switches (likewise in the
B52 but it's more visible in the small cockpit of the F111). Grabbed a
few shots of the HC131A, my stepdad was a career Coastie and I figured
he'd appreciate it. Will post photos sometime next week, they're getting
developed right now.
Next year I want to fly out there. Castle AFB was closed in '94 and is
now an (exceedingly large) GA strip. 11,802 feet long and 300 feet wide.
If you land on the numbers you'll have to taxi 3000 feet just to get to
the first turnout, it's gotta be fun flying in there. From the Bay Area
it'd be an easy flight and a fun daytrip.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Tue May 28 13:21:03 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Tue May 28 12:21:03 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Old Sore Head
Message-ID: <20020528192007.30545@127.0.0.1>
The highway sign outside Rudyard Montana greets visitors with the
following: "Rudyard: 596 Nice People -- One Old Sore Head". Now they're
holding an election for the official post of "old sore head". Were I
local, I think I'd be in the running... ;-)
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Tue May 28 19:14:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Tue May 28 18:14:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Philson Stratoblaster Air Guitar
Message-ID: <20020529011349.27996@127.0.0.1>
Get yours today! Rock on!
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Wed May 29 11:36:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Wed May 29 10:36:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Have a nice day
Message-ID: <20020529173557.18454@127.0.0.1>
The following is reportedly a real letter to NTL, a British broadband
provider, from a less than pleased customer. Kinda smells like urban
legend but it's funny as hell nonetheless.
Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for
your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During
this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I
had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and
stupidity of monolithic proportions.
Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either
pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these
difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some
entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking
B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:
My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my
spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your
technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57
minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more
annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful
website.... HOW? I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles
for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar
and highly adept.
The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later,
although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -
such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem
had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem
arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.
I estimate your internet servers downtime is roughly 35%... hours
between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend.
I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on
my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to
a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly
skilled bollock jugglers. I have been informed that a telephone line is
available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to
someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then
been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been
redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is
closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected
to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on
this theme.
Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a
thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of
those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I
don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my
frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music.
Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.
I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of
god-awful customer relations, that no one, anywhere, ever, could be more
disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to
their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't
anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered
to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless
shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of
distended rectum - incompetents of the highest order.
British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons
of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless
inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and
foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that
you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for
the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to
deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and
disbelief - quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused
rage.
I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats
litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both
you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not
become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the
time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did
not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture.
Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its
worthless employees.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in your miserable short life, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Fri May 3 15:46:03 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Fri May 3 14:46:03 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Britney Underground
Message-ID: <20020503214511.32085@127.0.0.1>
What New Yorkers did to a barrage of promotional posters for Britney
Spears' Vegas/HBO concert. Part social commentary, part lewd suggestion,
and part random vandalism. I found it amusing.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Thu May 9 18:18:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Thu May 9 17:18:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Broke the surly bonds of Earth
Message-ID: <20020510001718.7935@127.0.0.1>
First Time. Cessna 172. I did the takeoff and landing-CFI was hands off
the yoke for both-and we took it out over Berkeley to the city. Ran a
360 over the city at 2k feet, then overflew Alcatraz, shot over the
golden gate, out to sea a little bit, did some maneuvering, and then came
back over Tamalpais and the san rafael bridge back into Concord. Almost
all of that I was actually controlling it. Total airtime just over an
hour, a little over 2 hrs ground instruction.
Somewhat daunting. Reminded me a lot of when I first installed NetBSD on
my old SE/30 back at Apple. Sitting there looking at that command prompt
the first time around was a similar feeling. Certainly less instinctive
for me than riding a motorcycle was.
Things I'll need a lot more work on: comms. Was for the most part
completely lost-although at least I already have the NATO call signs down
pat from my days as a phone monkey. Taxiing. Foot controls will take some
serious getting used to, as well as the engine control. Mixture control.
Simply didn't deal with it at all. Instruments. Brain completely
overloaded by all the data.
Things I took to as a a fish to water: Rudder usage. Both on turns and
to compensate for pfactor on the prop.
Pretty happy that I did the takeoff and landing. Had all kinds of
coaching of course, but damn it all I really flew that thing. Clumsy,
yes. Hamfooted, certainly. But I did it. And I didn't even damage the
plane. Yee-haw... ;-)
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Thu May 9 19:39:03 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Thu May 9 18:39:03 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Gay-O-Meter
Message-ID: <20020510013834.6433@127.0.0.1>
Credit to Sooz for this one:
I scored 30%. Must be getting old. ;-)
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Thu May 9 20:06:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Thu May 9 19:06:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] DIY Freeway Signage
Message-ID: <20020510020527.15900@127.0.0.1>
This artist kept missing the I-5 offramp from the 110 in LA. He figured
calling CalTrans would be a waste of time, so he made and installed the
sign himself. 9months later, it was leaked to the press; CalTrans never
caught on. Cute story.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Fri May 10 14:41:03 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Fri May 10 13:41:03 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Another nice LA Charger piece
Message-ID: <20020510204050.14916@127.0.0.1>
This guy writes some sharp stuff...
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Fri May 10 14:43:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Fri May 10 13:43:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Re: Another nice LA Charger piece
In-Reply-To: <20020510204050.14916@127.0.0.1>
References: <20020510204050.14916@127.0.0.1>
Message-ID: <20020510204237.25205@127.0.0.1>
On 5/10/02, ed@hintz.org thus spake:
>This guy writes some sharp stuff...
>
>
>
Bah. This wasn't supposed to go to promotum. Sorry 'bout that.
Still ditzy from flying I guess.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Fri May 10 18:03:03 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Fri May 10 17:03:03 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Celine Dion kills iMacs
Message-ID: <20020511000228.9657@127.0.0.1>
Nice...
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Fri May 10 18:30:04 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Fri May 10 17:30:04 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Lane splitting 101
Message-ID: <20020511002920.18758@127.0.0.1>
I really liked this one. Probably because I spent 4 years in LA on a
Suzuki GS850; I had no car at all, lane splitting for me was clearly a
way of life. I have but 2 comments. In my case, I always voiced a
preference for old spark plugs rather than #4 ball bearings, though I
always preferred to run rather than fight.
But more importantly and somewhat more seriously, consider this: while
it's easy to hate the biker while you're stuck in traffic and he/she is
free as a bird, he/she is constantly trying to keep from being mowed down
by drivers sans clues. Furthermore, on that cold rainy afternoon, he/she
is freezing, wet, and miserable; the car drivers are warm, cozy, have an
optional cup of coffee, and a nice radio. There's no such thing as a free
lunch; we bikers pay for that lane splitting in one way or another.
Anyway, make sure to check out the mpeg movie, it's a good representation
of what the biker is seeing. Just needs the wind and engine noise, and
the peripheral vision.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Mon May 13 14:03:04 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Mon May 13 13:03:04 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Cogito ergo sum
Message-ID: <20020513200249.10872@127.0.0.1>
"I don't think so," said Rene Descartes. Just then, he vanished.
Credit to /usr/games/fortune...
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Wed May 15 23:54:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Wed May 15 22:54:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Classic Comedy
Message-ID: <20020516055358.971@127.0.0.1>
A routine done by Andy Griffith back in the mid-50's before he rose to
fame on the Andy Griffith show. Describes football from the point of view
of a country bumpkin who's never seen the game before. Good fun. And I
suppose reasonably plausible back in the mid-50's. Football's a fairly
recent phenomenon(at least at the professional level, I know it's been
around at the college level since about 1869).
Was reminded of it this evening when Sam was having a Big Orange Drink...
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Thu May 16 21:12:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Thu May 16 20:12:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Security through stupidity
Message-ID: <20020517031301.3104@127.0.0.1>
Just as useless as security through obscurity... Noticed this a few
months back but hadn't found any good stories on it; was reminded of it
by my upcoming appointment with those highly competent $5/hr airport
"security" staff:
Short story: 86 year old retired USMC General and winner of the
Congressional Medal of Honor for shooting down 26 japs in the battle of
Guadalcanal (also was Govenor of South Dakota and President of the NRA at
times) was delayed for about 45min in Jan. at Phoenix Sky Harbor because
security weenies thought his Medal of Honor could be used as a weapon.
Here's a few links:
http://www.arizonarepublic.com/special42/articles/0216FOSS16.html
http://www.cnn.com/2002/US/02/27/war.hero.cnna/
http://www.winstonsrock.com/foss.html
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Mon May 27 03:00:04 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Mon May 27 02:00:04 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Castle Air Museum
Message-ID: <20020527085920.20777@127.0.0.1>
We were in LA this week to visit Sam's Dad, who had a bypass a little
over a week ago. So on the drive home we stopped in Atwater (just outside
of Merced) and got a motel, got up bright and early this AM and headed
over to Castle Air Museum. On memorial day weekend they open up a lot of
the airplanes and let folks climb around in them, today they had about 20
open.
First stop of the day was the SR71. Due to the cramped cockpit they
wouldn't actually let us climb in but I was able to scope the interior.
There were several holes in the panels, no doubt where ELINT and other
classified stuff went, but for the most part it was all there. Engines
and everything are still in it, and it flew to Castle under it's own
power. A big bird, and really neat to get up next to it and ogle it.
Probably my personal favorite of the aircraft to come out of the cold war.
Another one that made a big impression was the B17. We got to clamber all
over inside it, and we took a couple of photos of Hunter and myself in
the cockpit. Observations: suprisingly small inside, even more
surprisingly small bomb bay. The bomb bay itself had about the same space
capacity as my 1978 VW Bus, maybe less. That's a lot of airplane for so
little space. Belly gunners on these things were some dedicated guys.
Getting into and out of the belly turret was an extended task, and there
was no room in the turret for a parachute. In the event of a bailout
there was seldom time for them to get out; they were issued a .45 for
optional use on themselves if the plane was going in. Yikes. Got to talk
for a while with an old geezer who flew them, lost the plane and bailed
out over Germany, spent 22 months in LuftStalag 3. Very cool to not only
tour the B17 but to also talk to somebody with those experiences.
Last on the list of highly notables was the B52. Nice piece of
engineering, that. Had 2 fellows inside giving quasi-tours, both former
crew who flew missions over Vietnam. Of particular interest was the
nuclear authorization equipment. Even if all 6 crewmembers decided to go
nutso and start WWIII they could only drop duds, the bombs were armed
with a code not known to the aircrew until Presidential authorization was
issued to drop 'em. Another interesting feature was the control apparatus
for the rotating landing gear; the B52 could land in a 45knot crosswind
coming at 90 degrees to the airstrip by crabbing into the wind and
aligning the gear with the runway. Fun cockpit in that thing.
I also climbed into an F111 and had 'em snap a photo of me in the thing,
figured my sis might like it as she did electronics work on 'em when she
was in the AF. Of note in the F111 was the go-no go electronics for
nuclear armament; spooky to see the doomsday switches (likewise in the
B52 but it's more visible in the small cockpit of the F111). Grabbed a
few shots of the HC131A, my stepdad was a career Coastie and I figured
he'd appreciate it. Will post photos sometime next week, they're getting
developed right now.
Next year I want to fly out there. Castle AFB was closed in '94 and is
now an (exceedingly large) GA strip. 11,802 feet long and 300 feet wide.
If you land on the numbers you'll have to taxi 3000 feet just to get to
the first turnout, it's gotta be fun flying in there. From the Bay Area
it'd be an easy flight and a fun daytrip.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Tue May 28 13:21:03 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Tue May 28 12:21:03 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Old Sore Head
Message-ID: <20020528192007.30545@127.0.0.1>
The highway sign outside Rudyard Montana greets visitors with the
following: "Rudyard: 596 Nice People -- One Old Sore Head". Now they're
holding an election for the official post of "old sore head". Were I
local, I think I'd be in the running... ;-)
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Tue May 28 19:14:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Tue May 28 18:14:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Philson Stratoblaster Air Guitar
Message-ID: <20020529011349.27996@127.0.0.1>
Get yours today! Rock on!
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Wed May 29 11:36:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Wed May 29 10:36:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Have a nice day
Message-ID: <20020529173557.18454@127.0.0.1>
The following is reportedly a real letter to NTL, a British broadband
provider, from a less than pleased customer. Kinda smells like urban
legend but it's funny as hell nonetheless.
Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for
your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During
this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I
had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and
stupidity of monolithic proportions.
Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either
pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these
difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some
entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking
B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:
My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my
spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your
technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57
minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more
annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful
website.... HOW? I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles
for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar
and highly adept.
The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later,
although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -
such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem
had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem
arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.
I estimate your internet servers downtime is roughly 35%... hours
between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend.
I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on
my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to
a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly
skilled bollock jugglers. I have been informed that a telephone line is
available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to
someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then
been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been
redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is
closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected
to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on
this theme.
Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a
thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of
those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I
don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my
frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music.
Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.
I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of
god-awful customer relations, that no one, anywhere, ever, could be more
disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to
their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't
anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered
to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless
shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of
distended rectum - incompetents of the highest order.
British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons
of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless
inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and
foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that
you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for
the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to
deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and
disbelief - quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused
rage.
I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats
litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both
you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not
become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the
time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did
not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture.
Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its
worthless employees.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in your miserable short life, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Fri May 3 15:46:03 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Fri May 3 14:46:03 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Britney Underground
Message-ID: <20020503214511.32085@127.0.0.1>
What New Yorkers did to a barrage of promotional posters for Britney
Spears' Vegas/HBO concert. Part social commentary, part lewd suggestion,
and part random vandalism. I found it amusing.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Thu May 9 18:18:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Thu May 9 17:18:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Broke the surly bonds of Earth
Message-ID: <20020510001718.7935@127.0.0.1>
First Time. Cessna 172. I did the takeoff and landing-CFI was hands off
the yoke for both-and we took it out over Berkeley to the city. Ran a
360 over the city at 2k feet, then overflew Alcatraz, shot over the
golden gate, out to sea a little bit, did some maneuvering, and then came
back over Tamalpais and the san rafael bridge back into Concord. Almost
all of that I was actually controlling it. Total airtime just over an
hour, a little over 2 hrs ground instruction.
Somewhat daunting. Reminded me a lot of when I first installed NetBSD on
my old SE/30 back at Apple. Sitting there looking at that command prompt
the first time around was a similar feeling. Certainly less instinctive
for me than riding a motorcycle was.
Things I'll need a lot more work on: comms. Was for the most part
completely lost-although at least I already have the NATO call signs down
pat from my days as a phone monkey. Taxiing. Foot controls will take some
serious getting used to, as well as the engine control. Mixture control.
Simply didn't deal with it at all. Instruments. Brain completely
overloaded by all the data.
Things I took to as a a fish to water: Rudder usage. Both on turns and
to compensate for pfactor on the prop.
Pretty happy that I did the takeoff and landing. Had all kinds of
coaching of course, but damn it all I really flew that thing. Clumsy,
yes. Hamfooted, certainly. But I did it. And I didn't even damage the
plane. Yee-haw... ;-)
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Thu May 9 19:39:03 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Thu May 9 18:39:03 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Gay-O-Meter
Message-ID: <20020510013834.6433@127.0.0.1>
Credit to Sooz for this one:
I scored 30%. Must be getting old. ;-)
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Thu May 9 20:06:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Thu May 9 19:06:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] DIY Freeway Signage
Message-ID: <20020510020527.15900@127.0.0.1>
This artist kept missing the I-5 offramp from the 110 in LA. He figured
calling CalTrans would be a waste of time, so he made and installed the
sign himself. 9months later, it was leaked to the press; CalTrans never
caught on. Cute story.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Fri May 10 14:41:03 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Fri May 10 13:41:03 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Another nice LA Charger piece
Message-ID: <20020510204050.14916@127.0.0.1>
This guy writes some sharp stuff...
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Fri May 10 14:43:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Fri May 10 13:43:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Re: Another nice LA Charger piece
In-Reply-To: <20020510204050.14916@127.0.0.1>
References: <20020510204050.14916@127.0.0.1>
Message-ID: <20020510204237.25205@127.0.0.1>
On 5/10/02, ed@hintz.org thus spake:
>This guy writes some sharp stuff...
>
>
>
Bah. This wasn't supposed to go to promotum. Sorry 'bout that.
Still ditzy from flying I guess.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Fri May 10 18:03:03 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Fri May 10 17:03:03 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Celine Dion kills iMacs
Message-ID: <20020511000228.9657@127.0.0.1>
Nice...
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Fri May 10 18:30:04 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Fri May 10 17:30:04 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Lane splitting 101
Message-ID: <20020511002920.18758@127.0.0.1>
I really liked this one. Probably because I spent 4 years in LA on a
Suzuki GS850; I had no car at all, lane splitting for me was clearly a
way of life. I have but 2 comments. In my case, I always voiced a
preference for old spark plugs rather than #4 ball bearings, though I
always preferred to run rather than fight.
But more importantly and somewhat more seriously, consider this: while
it's easy to hate the biker while you're stuck in traffic and he/she is
free as a bird, he/she is constantly trying to keep from being mowed down
by drivers sans clues. Furthermore, on that cold rainy afternoon, he/she
is freezing, wet, and miserable; the car drivers are warm, cozy, have an
optional cup of coffee, and a nice radio. There's no such thing as a free
lunch; we bikers pay for that lane splitting in one way or another.
Anyway, make sure to check out the mpeg movie, it's a good representation
of what the biker is seeing. Just needs the wind and engine noise, and
the peripheral vision.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Mon May 13 14:03:04 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Mon May 13 13:03:04 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Cogito ergo sum
Message-ID: <20020513200249.10872@127.0.0.1>
"I don't think so," said Rene Descartes. Just then, he vanished.
Credit to /usr/games/fortune...
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Wed May 15 23:54:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Wed May 15 22:54:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Classic Comedy
Message-ID: <20020516055358.971@127.0.0.1>
A routine done by Andy Griffith back in the mid-50's before he rose to
fame on the Andy Griffith show. Describes football from the point of view
of a country bumpkin who's never seen the game before. Good fun. And I
suppose reasonably plausible back in the mid-50's. Football's a fairly
recent phenomenon(at least at the professional level, I know it's been
around at the college level since about 1869).
Was reminded of it this evening when Sam was having a Big Orange Drink...
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Thu May 16 21:12:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Thu May 16 20:12:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Security through stupidity
Message-ID: <20020517031301.3104@127.0.0.1>
Just as useless as security through obscurity... Noticed this a few
months back but hadn't found any good stories on it; was reminded of it
by my upcoming appointment with those highly competent $5/hr airport
"security" staff:
Short story: 86 year old retired USMC General and winner of the
Congressional Medal of Honor for shooting down 26 japs in the battle of
Guadalcanal (also was Govenor of South Dakota and President of the NRA at
times) was delayed for about 45min in Jan. at Phoenix Sky Harbor because
security weenies thought his Medal of Honor could be used as a weapon.
Here's a few links:
http://www.arizonarepublic.com/special42/articles/0216FOSS16.html
http://www.cnn.com/2002/US/02/27/war.hero.cnna/
http://www.winstonsrock.com/foss.html
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Mon May 27 03:00:04 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Mon May 27 02:00:04 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Castle Air Museum
Message-ID: <20020527085920.20777@127.0.0.1>
We were in LA this week to visit Sam's Dad, who had a bypass a little
over a week ago. So on the drive home we stopped in Atwater (just outside
of Merced) and got a motel, got up bright and early this AM and headed
over to Castle Air Museum. On memorial day weekend they open up a lot of
the airplanes and let folks climb around in them, today they had about 20
open.
First stop of the day was the SR71. Due to the cramped cockpit they
wouldn't actually let us climb in but I was able to scope the interior.
There were several holes in the panels, no doubt where ELINT and other
classified stuff went, but for the most part it was all there. Engines
and everything are still in it, and it flew to Castle under it's own
power. A big bird, and really neat to get up next to it and ogle it.
Probably my personal favorite of the aircraft to come out of the cold war.
Another one that made a big impression was the B17. We got to clamber all
over inside it, and we took a couple of photos of Hunter and myself in
the cockpit. Observations: suprisingly small inside, even more
surprisingly small bomb bay. The bomb bay itself had about the same space
capacity as my 1978 VW Bus, maybe less. That's a lot of airplane for so
little space. Belly gunners on these things were some dedicated guys.
Getting into and out of the belly turret was an extended task, and there
was no room in the turret for a parachute. In the event of a bailout
there was seldom time for them to get out; they were issued a .45 for
optional use on themselves if the plane was going in. Yikes. Got to talk
for a while with an old geezer who flew them, lost the plane and bailed
out over Germany, spent 22 months in LuftStalag 3. Very cool to not only
tour the B17 but to also talk to somebody with those experiences.
Last on the list of highly notables was the B52. Nice piece of
engineering, that. Had 2 fellows inside giving quasi-tours, both former
crew who flew missions over Vietnam. Of particular interest was the
nuclear authorization equipment. Even if all 6 crewmembers decided to go
nutso and start WWIII they could only drop duds, the bombs were armed
with a code not known to the aircrew until Presidential authorization was
issued to drop 'em. Another interesting feature was the control apparatus
for the rotating landing gear; the B52 could land in a 45knot crosswind
coming at 90 degrees to the airstrip by crabbing into the wind and
aligning the gear with the runway. Fun cockpit in that thing.
I also climbed into an F111 and had 'em snap a photo of me in the thing,
figured my sis might like it as she did electronics work on 'em when she
was in the AF. Of note in the F111 was the go-no go electronics for
nuclear armament; spooky to see the doomsday switches (likewise in the
B52 but it's more visible in the small cockpit of the F111). Grabbed a
few shots of the HC131A, my stepdad was a career Coastie and I figured
he'd appreciate it. Will post photos sometime next week, they're getting
developed right now.
Next year I want to fly out there. Castle AFB was closed in '94 and is
now an (exceedingly large) GA strip. 11,802 feet long and 300 feet wide.
If you land on the numbers you'll have to taxi 3000 feet just to get to
the first turnout, it's gotta be fun flying in there. From the Bay Area
it'd be an easy flight and a fun daytrip.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Tue May 28 13:21:03 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Tue May 28 12:21:03 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Old Sore Head
Message-ID: <20020528192007.30545@127.0.0.1>
The highway sign outside Rudyard Montana greets visitors with the
following: "Rudyard: 596 Nice People -- One Old Sore Head". Now they're
holding an election for the official post of "old sore head". Were I
local, I think I'd be in the running... ;-)
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Tue May 28 19:14:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Tue May 28 18:14:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Philson Stratoblaster Air Guitar
Message-ID: <20020529011349.27996@127.0.0.1>
Get yours today! Rock on!
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org
From ed@hintz.org Wed May 29 11:36:02 2002
From: ed@hintz.org (Ed Hintz)
Date: Wed May 29 10:36:02 2002
Subject: [Promotum] Have a nice day
Message-ID: <20020529173557.18454@127.0.0.1>
The following is reportedly a real letter to NTL, a British broadband
provider, from a less than pleased customer. Kinda smells like urban
legend but it's funny as hell nonetheless.
Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for
your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During
this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I
had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and
stupidity of monolithic proportions.
Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either
pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these
difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some
entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking
B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:
My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my
spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your
technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57
minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more
annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful
website.... HOW? I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles
for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar
and highly adept.
The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later,
although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -
such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem
had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem
arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.
I estimate your internet servers downtime is roughly 35%... hours
between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend.
I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on
my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to
a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly
skilled bollock jugglers. I have been informed that a telephone line is
available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to
someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then
been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been
redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is
closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected
to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on
this theme.
Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a
thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of
those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I
don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my
frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music.
Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.
I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of
god-awful customer relations, that no one, anywhere, ever, could be more
disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to
their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't
anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered
to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless
shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of
distended rectum - incompetents of the highest order.
British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons
of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless
inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and
foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that
you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for
the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to
deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and
disbelief - quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused
rage.
I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats
litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both
you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not
become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the
time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did
not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture.
Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its
worthless employees.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in your miserable short life, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.
Peace,
Edmund A. Hintz **|** "You may say I'm a dreamer,
Mac Techie, Unix Geek, * | * But I'm not the only one...
Mac/Unix Consultant * /|\ * I hope someday you'll join us,
*/ | \* And the world will live as one.
'78 Westy ***** Imagine."
http://www.hintz.org